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01:03pm 26/05/2006
  Looking back upon all the times that we'd spend together I wondered how on earth I was supposed to break such news to such a loyal friend and lover. It seemed hard to believe that in less than a month I would be moving half way across the country to live with my grandmother, yet I knew it well and part of me already felt as though I had left.
I reflected upon this as I lay staring up at the ceiling. He was beside me, asleep of course, unaware that anything was remotely bothering me. I smiled to myself, looking over at him. Quin was cuddled up on his side face towards me. God he slept peacefully. I loved the way his eyelashes fluttered so delicately against his pale cheeks. With a chiseled jaw and broad shoulders he was anything but delicate. I sighed.
"Oh Quin…" It was only a soft murmur but I felt him stir next to me.
"Hmmm?" He opened his eyes and stretched a hand out to my hair.
"Nothing, go back to sleep" At times it amazed me how lightly Quin slept.







******************************************************************************

*Flash back to when we were friends*
We had been sitting in the grass outside his house. It was summer and the sun was warm on my face. Quin sighed heavily as we talked. Up until then we had only been just friends. Where our friendship was going I didn't know. I hoped for something more but was unsure
Of what Quin wanted. I had assumed that we were just friends. I knew that we had been friends for over a year and were pretty close but I didn't know if he was just leading me along or just feeling comfortable in the newfound experience of having a best friend that was of the female gender. He brushed my hair away from my eyes and kissed my cheek. I flinched.
"Quin what's wrong?" I asked softly
"Nothing at all, how could anything be wrong when I'm around you." he whispered so softly that it made me wonder if it had been directed to me at all. What did I know about Love? I had never been in love with anyone before. No one had ever loved me or treated like Quin had before. But of course he was my best friend. How could a best friend ever become a lover? Ahh what a question for the stars.
"Quin, we're friends right," I began to ask.
"Megan don't move." He said calmly and put his hand against my hair. He pulled his hand back and I held my breath as I saw a tiny spider crawling along his fingers. I hated spiders and he knew that. He put in down in the grass behind him and smiled at me. "Don't worry, he didn't do anything to you. It's alright" I sighed heavily and looked at the sky. The clouds were moving fast. It was such a beautiful day, how had I managed to share it with such a guy? I frowned and turned my head to rest my face on the grass, looking away from Quin. The house, the grass, the sidewalk, I had known it once. Once before appartments I had lived in our house, not far from my gramma's and I had known of the outdoors and what it was like to feel a little bit free. I sighed at these memories and felt more than a bit sad for a second. I braced myself against the grass and sat up just a little as I heard the old familiar woosh of young boys on their bikes. Rubber smoked the street pavement and I half smiled. My friends used to be like that, I thought. I used to be like that.
"What cha thinkin?" Quin asks calm but curious. I don't bother facing him and only murmur 'memories'. I've never told him about missing my childhood home or how I practically lived at my grandmother's. He doesn't know that I long for custom painted walls and a place to display all my art, which he doesn't know I ever made. I'm still afraid of monsters when I'm home alone in the dark, or when I go to bed and tuck the blanket under my feet. Quin knows that I like piercings, classic rock, and collect teddy bears. He only knows Megan of appartments and I wonder if he'd like the rest. I stand up and pick up my purse. Quin stays sitting in the grass and looks up at me standing there. I'm sure that I look lost in thought.
"You look sad."
"I'm not…" Quin sits up and pauses a moment before standing up.
"You miss your house don't you?"
"…and the neighborhood, and the people, and the sounds. I miss it all" He had known and that in itself felt ever so nice.
"Why don't you ever talk about it?" he asked. I shrugged and followed him around to the back of the house.
"It doesn't seem important compared to everything else that's happening."
"How you feel and why you feel that way is always important," we went inside and I slipped off my sandals. Quin took out a plate of water melon and held the plate out to me. I took a small slice and nibbled on it. "we've been friends what, over a year?" I nodded and he took a piece for himself then put the plate back in the fridge. "You haven't once talked about what it was like for you growing up. I mean I never talk about it because I guess I'm afraid that it's going to make you uncomfortable or something, but I think about it all the time. I think about what it was like having two older brothers, we used to wrestle, play fight, I dunno it was great, we were a big family. You… don't talk about what it was like for you. Howcome??" I'd only eaten a little of my water melon.
"Because I miss it. I miss having a home of my own. One with walls that you could paint any colour and hang things off of, and put up posters and drawings… I used to draw and I was good, I was a great artist and everyone was proud of me…then I just gave up. I gave up on a lot of things, and I just stopped caring. I miss having fun and not worrying about whether or not a guy likes me, or what the latest fashion is, or what the latest gossip is, I miss just having fun and snowball fights, and playing hide and go seek. I miss having a pet and sitting outside. I miss having friends and just having fun. That's why I never talk about it. I miss it so much Quin." I walked back to the door and put my shoes on then. He followed and we sat on his back steps. We were quiet for a while, only sitting and biting our slices of water melon and spitting out the seeds. Quin threw his rind away first and I nibbled on mine for a little longer.
"Megan, if I ever asked you out what would you say?" I looked over at him.
"why?" I asked blankly
"Because your friendship means a lot to me and I think that there's a lot more than friendship between us." He turned and looked at me looking at him then. "…and I always want to kiss you. You smile and I want to kiss you, you laugh and I want to kiss you, even when you get all angry and short with people I want to kiss you."
"Well," I took a deep breath and raised my eyebrows."…if you ever asked me out then I would probably say 'yes'." I looked at him blankly and then smiled. He laughed as he leaned in to kiss me.
"Yeah?" he asked pulling back a little after that first kiss.
"Yeah." I answered with a laugh and we kissed again. I guessed he liked me all along.

******************************************************************************

*flash forward two months*
I was hot and the air around me was steamy. How else would it be when you're on your knees in the shower with scalding hot water pouring down your back. I didn't mind though. For all the other things I could be doing at that moment, I was happy where I was. I felt Quin's hands holding my head against his body. I loved how they felt in my hair, holding me so close and so precisely. What could I say, I loved giving him head. My tongue moved slickly around his shaft as he pumped my mouth slowly and carefully. I liked the way that he felt on my lips, I liked the control I felt with him between my lips. I knew that he liked it too. I remembered him telling me after the first time that I did it how great I felt. It was nice to be appreciated once and I while. I almost laughed at that thought. Something about being appreciated for giving great oral seemed so sexist. I didn't care it made me feel good about myself. It made me feel sexy.
I rubbed my tongue ring along the vein on the underside of his shaft and I felt him pulse with that unexpected pleasure. God, blowjobs were hot! I pulled back a little and wrapped my hands around the
Base of him. I wanted it to be good. I swirled my tongue over his tip and he encouraged me as I jerked him a little. I had to lick him just right if I wanted him to come, and good god I wanted him to come. He knew it too, he knew that I wanted him to come in my mouth and across my face, and well it wasn’t my fault if he happened to fulfill my wishes.
"God you're good." Quin moaned as I attended him. He'd come soon I knew him well already. I wondered if he knew how long I'd wanted to suck him off. If he'd known that I'd wished for the time when I could wrap my lips around him and rub the metal bar I had so slowly across him. I wondered what he'd taste like and I wondered how he smelt. I remembered when we had first become friends and he had walked around his house without his shirt. I'd seen his trail then, rich and black leading down into his jeans, and I'd wondered if I would ever get to see what it lead to.
Funny how now we were dating and there I was in my shower at my mom's appartment with his dick in my mouth. I looked up at him that moment seeing the pleasure on his face and I felt a shiver run through me. He looked very powerful and very sexy and for some odd reason it made me think of myself as his slave. The thought turned me on and I continued to milk him with my mouth. Our relationship was nothing like my private fantasy though sometimes Quin would say something controlling to turn me on or get me off. Truthfully, I liked our relationship the way it was, it worked for us.
I felt him coming in my mouth and swallowed it and it came. I knew his load would be big and kept sucking him until he was limp again. Quin was probably already expecting it, but I kept a bit of his cum in my mouth anyway. I stood up and he kissed me deep. He drank down his cum as we kissed and rubbed my clit slowly.
"I guess it's a good thing that your mom went away for the weekend," Quin laughed after we pulled away. "there's no way I would have gotten that killer blowjob with her here."
"Hell no." I laughed. We didn't do very much around my mom. Well, we kissed and hugged but that was about all. If one of us ever stayed over at the other's place it was always me at his house, even though we weren't having sex yet.
"Now I get to repay you."
"It's okay," I laugh a little bit. "I'm good for now." Quin rubs his hand down the full length of my slit and fingers my hole just slightly.
"But you're so wet, how can you stand being so horny?" He asks as he plays with my juices.
"I don't know. I guess I'm used to it. I already masturbate a gazillion times a day and you know it." I answer with a few flirtatious giggles. Secretly I wish we'd start fucking sometime soon, but I know I'm not ready for that yet. Quin shrugs and removes his hand from my crotch. He smiles playfully and puts his fingers against my mouth, I smile and let my eyes glare up at him ready to play. "You should know better." I say against his fingers before licking myself from them. I then push his hand away and we play fight in the shower until the water turns to ice. Serves him right, as I let it run over his dick before turning off the taps. He glares at me as I get out.
"You're a bitch you know that?" He says with a smile now that his limp dick is shriveled from the cold. I smile.
"I know."

******************************************************************************
The first time that Quin and I had sex was on Halloween. We didn't plan for it or anything, it rather just happened.		  
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It just keeps getting easier...   
12:14am 28/04/2006
 
mood: chipper
I can't remember when exactly I went for my third conch piercing, but I do know that it was either in December or January. Close enough to three months ago, further from six.

Anyway, I was going for a piercing with two of my friends (one getting their tragus and the other getting their eyebrow). Originally I had planned and booked the appointment for an eyebrow and that's why my friend had decided to get his done. Unfortunately though he had opened his big mouth and made me tell my mom about it and that just went over terribly... SO I decided not to go against my mother's wishes and change the appointment for an ear piercing.

The guy who answered the phone when I called to change it must have thought I was crazy and very indecisive. I first tried to change to a vertical industrial and then an orbital and finally settled for another conch because the industrial and orbital would take longer than what I had previously booked. I didn't have a problem with the thought of getting a third conch as I like tend to like the whole piercing process as well as the look of the jewelry. To be quite honest I was looking forward to that unexpected pain that comes along with the thick cartilage of my ear. It just seems to take forever to get the needle and jewelry threaded through, and since pain can be refreshing at times I was due for something with a sting to it.

The three of us arrived at the shop early and filled quickly filled out our forms. Even though I wasn’t getting my much anticipated eyebrow piercing I was just as hyper, talking a thousand words per minute about the most random things. Lucky for my friends, BJ decided to poke me first. Unlucky for him, I was just as hyper in the room as I had been in the waiting area.

He asked me which ear I wanted it in and if I wanted a CBR or a barbell. I said that I wanted it on my left ear, just under the first conch, but with a ring instead of with a barbell. I had already had one with a barbell and one with a ring and although the healing process was easier with a barbell I thought that it would look nicer with a ring in this case. Since I have a ring in my right conch as well BJ asked if I wanted them lined up evenly and angled the same, but I declined the offer and he marked my ear perfectly.

Next up were those nasty clamps. I normally didn’t have a problem with them as I personally find that they don’t hurt even half as much as everyone claims, but the first two times it had been awkward to have them clamped to your conch. Well, low and behold BJ was using septum clamps on my conch! I have to say that it is the most amazing idea ever and I wish that they would’ve used them the other two times. They weren’t awkward at all and made it so much easier and more accurate for the actual piercing.

At this point I was still yapping away with BJ, who thankfully didn’t seem to mind. He probably thinks that I was crazy nervous and that talking would calm me down, but I’m strange like that and just keep going and going. I was rather excited yet dreading the odd thick pain of cartilage and hoped that he’d just poke me soon. No sooner had I thought that it was time for the piercing. That was when I shut up. For some reason when it comes to the piercing itself I’m always quiet and just concentrate on the initial feel of the process.

I felt every little thing in the quick few seconds that it happened and imagined every movement as if it slow motion on a CSI type show… The needle entering the silver tube that was the clamp, puncturing my skin, hitting cartilage, sliding heavily and slower through it, and then reaching the end hitting that last bit of cartilage, exiting my skin and the other side of the clamp. This time there wasn’t a throbbing pain, it didn’t burn with the ache of just being pierced. BJ notified me that he’d be threading the jewelry through and for some reason the CBR didn’t seem to pull at my ear nor hurt in any comparison to other times.

After disposing the needle in its special little container and cleaning up a teeny bit, I looked in the big wall mirror and BJ let me use a smaller hand mirror to check it out. I loved it and told him so!

I was briefed on the aftercare and given one of the aftercare brochures. No touching with dirty hands, make sure to clean it and do sea salt soaks, etc. I could copy the aftercare instructions right onto here, I have enough of those pamphlets! With that I thanked BJ, tipped him and reminded him that I still want an ear project by him sometime soon and returned to the waiting area where my friends ‘Ooo’d and ‘Ahh’d my piercing. I contemplated taking down my hair but the cool air felt good on my ear.

I can’t remember what the day ended up being like, but I know that my tri-conch survived my working overnights at McDonalds for a good two months. I was worried about the heat and greasy atmosphere affecting it somehow but it behaved very well. Sleeping was easy as I’ve taken up sleeping with one hand cupped over my ear ( I sleep on my side), when my piercings are knocked around a lot. Usually they’re just fine with however I sleep though. Aftercare was easy as pie and to be quite honest, I think that I might have cleaned my ear a whole 3 times since I got it done. The main thing I do is make sure to clean off the crusty junk, but not much more that that. I don’t usually clean a fresh ear piercing for the first two days, or at least until I can tap the ring and not have a sharp pain. I also don’t do sea salt soaks on any of my piercings, for me it seems that no matter the amount of salt it always dries out my piercings. It may not be right, and I don’t recommend it, but I do know how my body heals piercings best so I go along with what’s best for me. If you know how your body heals, go straight ahead and do what you know works for you, but if not, follow the piercer’s instructions.
Oh and if you live in Manitoba and you would like a piercing done, I recommend Soul Survivors in Osbourne Village. If you’re planning on getting an ear piercing that’s somewhat unique I defiantly say get your conch done!! It will hurt quite a bit, and I say get it done with the barbell if you want it to heal quicker (they don’t get bumped around a smidge as much as with a ring) and easier to maintain (less bumping, easier for sleeping, doesn’t catch on your hair… the list goes on).

Until next time,
Bondage Kit		  
     Post
 
   
06:17pm 25/04/2006
 
Create the Perfect Guy [50 ??s]
His hair color is:black
His Hair style is straight, wavey, curly:wavey
His hair is how long?:shoulder length
Jock?:no
thin/large:thin
Eye color:amber
glasses/perfect sight:glasses
drinker?:yes
smoker?:yes
shorts/pants:pants
love/lust/both:both
Punk?:no
Goth?:yes
Nerd?:no
Grunge?:no
loves you?:yes
wants you?:yes
serious/funny:serious
sweet/sarcastic:sweet
loner/sociable:loner
PDA/No PDA:No PDA
Does size matter?:yes
Kinky/Just do the dirty:Kinky
hands are(size wise):big
arm/leg muscles:no
ass/abs:no
Creative?:yes
Intelligent?:yes
Skilled?:yes
Failing at Life or School?:Life
Talkative/Quiet:Quiet
Jewlery?:yes
First date at an amusement park/restaurant?:resturant
Musically Inclined?:no
Computer Nerd?:no
Sex God/Virgin:virgin
sport/clubs:clubs
career?:body piercer
Are you two married?:no
Have kids?:no
How many?:none
organized?:yes
Preppy?:no
Surfer?:no
Extreme?:yes
car:Dodge Viper
Age:19`
Height:6'6"
HIS Ideal living place:penthouse
Do you live happily ever after?:yes
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d
  
     Post
 
I have to laugh   
01:17pm 04/04/2006
  I have to laugh at certain person. I wish I could cry. I wish that I could go back to my old house. Sit in my blue room, stare at celine and cry. In all honesty I wish I had never met that certain person. I don't miss them, I rather just wish. Wishing is overrated but then again so is everything. I wanna go for a walk. I realize once again that I want a lot of things. I stop momentarrilay and I realize its not them its me. Megan with all the anger in all the world who can never say the right thing. I wish I could close my eyes and not dream of them. Of that someone who isn't worth a million pennies. THe blood leaves a copper taste in my mouth when I used to bite my tongue. I wish for a tattoo right this second. To draw them out of me. To draw out all my pain. A breakdown would do nicely. My mother isnt home.


Im wound so tightly Im tense all the time. I need to relax, I need to chill, I need to mellow out. Theres nothing to say anymore. In my appartment its time to write a story. A big long one and to forget people that I used to know. Sometimes a person needs to start over, sometimes there is no starting over. June 11th will be my new day and if I hvent already, I will forget that person then. I will think everything of them and I will let it hurt. I'll have 4 hours for 6 months. How much longer will this go on.

Megan		  
     Post
 
My Industrial (The beginning of my mother's worries)   
11:30pm 31/03/2006
  Okay I found this in one of my journals from 2004, so I'm sorry if it
sounds rather childish. It was my first piercing, and even though I knew it
wouldn't be my last I didn't know what kind of effect it was about to have
on me forever.



On friday at about 1pm I went to get my industrial piercing! Finally I have
it and I am so proud! It's silly I know, but hey thats me!

Oh my goodness, on Friday it was supposed to be the last day of school for
me, but since we were supposed to have an early dismissal at 1pm, I told my
mom that I should just miss school and go for my piercing. Even though my
appointment was really at 2pm and I could've gone to school either way, I
wanted to go earlier :)

When I was actually getting ready to go I was very nervous and totally
wanted to just wig out and not go, but I already told everyone i was
getting it done and I knew that I would totally regret it if I didnt end up
going. Well that and the fact that my mom would think I didn't really want
it and would probably never let me get anything ever after that. I was also
worried that it would hurt. Now as you know, I have 16 earrings already,
but this would be my first real piercing. So... it kind of worried me.

I had looked up all kinds of information on things that could go wrong and
stuff, even the good things, or how much it hurt and migration/rejection
information, so I kept reassuring myself, anyway, my mom ended up taking me
to Soul Survivors down in Osbourne Village and I was really really nervous
but no way in hell was I backing down.

I told the girl at the counter that I wanted to change my appointment for
like NOW and she said that was okay. Jay was my artist and he was super
nice.

While he was measuring my ear he talked to me a lot about how to take care
of it and everything, and that made me really comfortable. At first he was
going to put the bar along the top above my 3 earrings, and inside I was
like No!! but I didnt say anything which was good, because he thought it
was too small and changed it to where I had originally wanted it to go! The
only thing was that two of the three studs that I had at the top of my ear
had to come out. (YOu see I don't have very much cartilige along the side
in my ear, so he had to put one of the holes for my bar higher up, where
the bottom two studs were) It's not like he put the bar through the holes,
because he didnt. Instead he made the piercing between the holes, so after
it heals I may still be able to put earrings in them, but yeah I kinda
doubt that. ( the bottom hole is actually healing, and the upper one is
right behind the bar itself, so theres no point)

Anyway, after it was all measured and crap he put a clamp on the upper part
of my ear where the front hole was to be and he said that it would hurt,
but it didn't it rather tickled. Anyway then he put the needle through and it
just pinched, the most it hurt was when I felt it go through the cartalige
itself, but even that didn't HURT. Then he did the back hole which mildly
hurt a bit more, I think because the two holes that were so close to it.

When Jay slid the bar in, it didn't hurt at all, actually it didn't feel
like he actually slid it in. Once the Bar was in, Jay realized that it was
actually too small for my ear (room for swelling and such), and he had to
slide a longer bar in right after. He said that he was surprised because my
ear was barely red considering the jewlery had to be slid out right after
the initial piercing.

Oh I also learned that the more piercings you have in your ear the better
piercings heal in your ears. Pretty snazzy hey?!

So, once Jay screwed on the ends and cleaned it up, he gave me some soap
and a pamphlet on care and stuff. I have to go back after January 17th to
see how its healing and get a smaller bar in it.

So far the healing is going great because I can already curl my ear like I
can with the other one, and the barbell is like all sliding back and forth.
So if u want an industrial piercing, GET ONE! Its worth it you will really
love it!		  
     Post
 
White lips, Love Kills, and the obvious   
11:09pm 31/03/2006
 
mood: satisfied
music: Jesus of Suburbia- Green Day
Hello there.
I have a lot to tell you.. well maybe not a lot. I have enough money to get my nipple done AND I bought stuff already.
I decided to buy myself black nailpolish and white lipstick, lol, clearly amazing! And well, I bought a purse, even though I have like a million purses I love it. It says Love Kills in a tattoo style and its black and soft and I love it!!! ... And on a different note my mom say my tongue ring. We were in Superstore and she was like Stick out ur tongue. I said no and she said that she thought she saw something on it. I said that I bit my tongue she said it looked like a bead. She said that if I got something like that done shed rather I told her. I said no I wouldnt do that. It ended that way. So she knows and I eventually have to tell her, but well... its weird. Like I'd rather she not know and not worry about it. I understand that Im her daughter and all that jazz, but it is my body and I like piercings. I like having them done and I like having them in general. I don't want my mom to worry about how everyone will view me, I don't want her to view me differently. It's not like I have a whole bunch of crazy facial piercings, all the pierings I have are subtle and I like it that way. I like having something to hide. So eventually when I talk to my mom about it, I'm going to say that.
Alright.
Night
Magz xox		  
     Post
 
I Used to Be Happy   
12:53pm 28/03/2006
 
mood: sad
music: dont fear the reaper-HIM
Someone fuckin shoot me in the face.
I never used to be so angry. There was a time when I was happy and Id spin around in circles until I fell down. I used to smile and laugh and well, I used to feel something. There was always that place for me, but now its gone.

Life is shit. I want to be a voice actor. I want to go somewhere and do something fun. I want to walk around my old neighbourhood. I dont know why, maybe because this is a sad day. God, Adam's done damage to me. At least with Jeremy I cried all the time. Piss on this shit. I want to lose weight so I can get out of this shit hole.


Adam, you wont read this I know that because ur too full of urself to even remotely care what i have to say. Yet if you knew this post was about u ud be all over it like a fat kid on candy.
Ur a bastard and a liar and a sad representitive of a player. Oh and u are white, not black, and ur not a raver, or a homo, or a goth, or a country boy, you are a fat irish kid who has built up his self esteme way too much and constructed a self destructive personality. You need to find yourself ONE girl and just work on that. ONE not a girlfriend and 10 million friends that you want to get with who you treat like shit until they want nothing to do with you, THEN of course you bother with them, but if they show any interest in anything that goes on in that self absorbed little mind of yours you must remember to talk about every girl that walks by, drives by, or you know gets on ur friends nerves. All the girls in Timmies do NOT want to get with you. The hot slutty ones might be nice, but they already have boyfriends. Just because a girl is ditzy and laughs cluelessly at everything doesnt mean shes stupid enough to get with you. Oh your lying, is noticeable and really is lying. When you send someone a text saying that u cant talk because ur having sex, u are lying, if you were having sex you wouldnt pick up ur phone and bother texting someone back. When someone tells you they got a surface piercing and you dont believe them, you dont tell them that you have one too, you also dont say that you have ur man cleavage pierced. If you dont believe something that someone says, you wait until you see it and are proven wrong. When you say that you have great comfort sex with a certain girl all the time, then take someone to the bar to make that person jealous and flat out say that they would never get with you, its called lying. When a person meets ur friends, knows their names, and then you talk about that same friend and say that it wasnt them they met, then have them meet again and it IS the same person, Its lying!!! When ur with a girl and ur friends phone asking where you are and you say ur at home, u are going to get ur ass kicked. When u lie about hanging out with a friend to another friend, the friend you are hanging out with gets hurt. If you get really mad at someone and tell them to have a nice life and that u never want to talk to them ever again, dont bother unblocking them or adding them back to ur msn, u are already untrustable for the rest of your life. Do not under any circomstances get ur friends to text someone you're fighting with saying "I am going to kill you" its illeagal. Dont talk about all the girls that you've supposedly gotten with around a girl u just meet, its a big turn off. Dont talk about every girl you know and how you want to get with them, its a piss off. Do not complain about how fat you think you are and then go buy fast food, think about that one. When a girl likes you, don't treat her like shit, If you dont like her tell her that and just break it off there. Do not keep her on the side, she isnt stupid and she just really likes you. Girls do not say "I want to just be friends" and mean they never want to see you ever again. If a girl just wants to be friends, she really just wants to be friends, sometimes, in special cases, she'll say it because she wants to be more than friends, but knows that you'll never in a million years actually come around and she will actually settle for friends. Finally, theres just a few more... If a girl, a certain girl, says "im sorry" millions of times upon end without any reason to say sorry, shes just sorry about the whole thing, about being a bitch, or being too quiet, or the way she sounds so worn out when u start talking about all those damn girls, or getting agressive for no reason, or being too hyper and weird, and for all her little quirky things that piss you off, and for those little things that you'd never notice about her, and for talking too much, and assuming the wrong things, and well, shes sorry that you could never like her the way she wants to be liked, shes so very sorry for liking you because she knows alllll the things that she wishes she didnt. Okay, now heres my last words, if you can lie, talk about chicks u wanna fuck all the time, complain about ur weight, complain about life, and talk about all the things that she couldnt care less about, and a girl hasnt complained about it all and is still sitting there with you smiling and pretending to be happy, she would probably do anything for you. And if you give her up over and over again, one day you'll realize that theres only one girl like her out there and even tho u cant quite put ur finger on what it is about her that makes you want to keep her on the side as a friend who really isnt even a friend, she'll be walking away from u for the last time and you'll see that this time SHE is walking away from YOU.
* represses the urge to appoligise*




THAT was for adam, all the things Id never say!

Mags
xoxoxox		  
     Post
 
Tongue-Tag   
09:51pm 26/03/2006
 
mood: excited
music: Don't Fear The Reaper
For about a year now I've been interested in getting my tongue pierced. I was very iffy about it and never expected that I would actually get it done. Piercings have always been my thing, but the thought of a needle passing through a muscle thats housed inside my mouth with risks as great as brain fever and toxic shock syndrome just wasnt something that I wanted to mess with. After having my tongue web pierced on the 14th of October this year and having it swell pretty badly, I was worried about excessive swelling that might block my airway (when I say pretty badly, I mean really badly!!). I had put my worries about getting my tongue done in the back of my mind and went on to get a few other piercings. Early February I got my first body piercing which turned out to be a surface sternum piercing. After getting it done and getting away with it (mother is still completely oblivious), I found that I had a craving for piercings that Ive always been too chicken to get. I will never be 'scared' of getting anything done, but before there have always been things that I just wont do. All that has changed.

I found myself debating between my tongue and my septum. My tongue well, sexy piercing inside my mouth that has its functions, or my sternum, a piercing that I dont particularly like, but can be worn with a retainer to have flipped up so as not to be seen. I had been leaning towards my septum and even asked about it while getting my other piercing checked on, but when I went up to the counter at Soul Survivors to make my appointment I just happened to make the appointment for my tongue. I wasn't about to cancle it or back out so I went along with it.

Flash forward to March 17th. My appointment is for 1pm, but I cant really remember anything up until the appointment. I was so nervous I was somehow convinced that I wasnt really going to get my tongue done, but told my friend that she wasnt allowed to let me back out. I walk into Soul Survivors and the owner, Eric and one of the receptionist girls are just leaving. The girl says hi to me, which surprises me because I didnt think she'd remember me. She asks what Im getting done and I tell her my tongue and she says that I'll have to show her when she comes back in later. Once everyone is away from the crowded front counter I go up and tell the new receptionist guy, who I haven't seen yet, that I have an appointment for a piercing for 1pm. He gives me the forms and I sit down to fill them out. I remember talking as fast as I could with my friend to kill all the commotion because I was nervous as hell. I can't remember if there were other people there and if I had to wait or not, as I've been there every weekend for a while now. But the time came and BJ called me into the room and it all went fast from there.

Okay, Inside the room!! BJ asks me if im scared, I say that I am and immediatly go to the chair, sit in it, and sit on my hands because thats just how scared and nervous I was. I can't remember anything the piercer actually said because I was so scared, which I now realize was for nothing. Its actually kind of embarrassing because the scariest part for me was worrying that I would pull my tongue back inside my mouth while he was piercing it. No such thing happened. BJ marked my tongue, and then clamped it, checked again with the special light, remarked the bottom mark and then pierced me. Anyway, from all the piercing expieriences Ive read most people say that the clamps were the worst part, definatly not for me. I mean when they clamped my sternum it hurt and i thought that my tongue would feel like that too, but nope it just felt like the clamps were resting on my tongue. After he had moved the bottom mark he said that he was going to pierce me then. I saw the needle, it really wasnt big, I was kinda surprised. Usually I wouldn't have closed my eyes, at the dentist I just stare into the lights because its easier for me, but there wasnt really anything to stare at so I decided to close my eyes. It just would have been destracting if i had them open anyway. BJ told me to take a deep breath when he said "take a deep breath" and I waited. He said take a deep breath but I didnt feel anything so I took a few shallow breaths, still didnt feel A THING, honestly. Not a pinch, not the needle in my tongue, nothing at all. He said there would be a bit of pressure but it felt like he just touched the spot with his finger, just a tiny heavy ness. Then he said that he was going to screw on the bottom ball, still no pain, i could feel him moving around but nothing specific. And i was done. I opened my eyes and pulled my tongue into my mouth. To tell you what it feels like is when ur trying to hide a piece of gum under ur tongue, thats what it feels like on the bottom, on the top it feels like ur trying to hold a bead in the middle of your tongue while talking. Its a lot easier to talk when u pretend that ur just talking normally.

I've had my piercing for just over a week now. It hasnt gotten infected or anything and I can tell the difference in not only the swelling, but in the movement of the bar and the opening on the top. When I first got it done the barbell wouldnt move up or down and was kind of stiff, and the top hole was kind of jagged looking. Now my barbell moves easily up and down and the opening is a little rounded. Swelling isnt completely down because my tongue frenulum is pretty swollen still but the tongue itself is almost back to normal. One thing though, since the balls on my barbell are pretty big (compared to my friend who got his done 2 days after I got mine) and I suck on my tongue when my mouth is closed the top ball has made a pretty big crater beneath it. Im hoping that when I get a smaller bar with smaller balls the crater will be smaller, but it doesnt bother me as much as it did.
So all in all, I love that I really got it done. I dont like the trendy factor of the piercing, but thats okay because I know Im not a trendy person. Still can't believe I really got it done and that my mom doesnt know yet.

Later Dayz
Mags		  
     Post
 
Im Just A Notch In Your Bedpost But Youre Just A Line In A Song   
12:58pm 10/03/2006
 
mood: disappointed
music: PeanutButterJellyTIme
Yup.

Its Friday, I have enough money to go to the bar, finally. Bets are we arent going. It doesnt matter anyway, none of it ever really matters. I look at the comercials on tv for the amazing race, how stupid people are with their fears. Id do just about anything these days...Im scared of heights, but Id take a breath, shrug and jump out of a plain or shimmy down a building. Id climb a mountain, hell, Id probably even play down my fear of spiders now. I just, I keep losing pieces of myself. I dont care enough to be scared. Is it possible that I'll just keep losing parts of myself until all my inhibitions are gone. Will it get so... empty that I even lose my childish bashfull ways? Will there come a time when I dont bother thinking things out in my head? I doubt it. Im not that lucky. I think I see the world in a funny way. I'll always think things out and I'll always write them out, make lists over and over, make up characters over and over, I'll never be able to write on a piece of paper that already has random writing on it, I'll always tear up paper even when I know its something i care about, or cared about. I am a curious girl, I sought enlightenment... I am continuously finding it.

I've always liked piercings, Ive always looked at people who have them and admired them. I always had my own boundaries though. Nothing through flesh... it was my rule. Ears were different so were nostrils and lips/labrets. ... Its not like in the flesh like an eyebrow or a navel or the tongue. Then my rules started to change. Flesh was okay, except for surface piercings and the tongue, like they're IN you for surface piercings, and well, ur tongue, its IN you... and now I have no boundaries except Ive found that I like hidden things. I like things that arent on view for people to judge. I think that the hidden ones seem to have more meaning and mystery to them. Im sure that if you saw me right now you wouldnt think that Im into piercings. You wouldnt think that Id have 24 of them. Ear piercings will forever remain my favourite piercings. Its something so normal, but theres so many different kinds that they're more than just ear piercings. Ear piercings are the way that I look at the world, I see every normal plain thing and I see all its beauty, each little thing has its own way, its own angle that adds a little 'something' to the whole picture. LIke the way that a person arranges nicknacks on their shelf in that special way that makes them just perfect to the owner, the way we angle a lamp, or how we take time to find the perfect spot for a picture on the wall. Every little detail has its own feel, its own story, its own voice. Ear piercings are like that to me, they're freeze frames of pictures, that perfect snapshot of a flower, of a building, of the sun setting, the exact placement of the subject before you draw it, the details nd shading and quirks of a drawing, the ultimate feng shui of life. Every piercing on the ear works with another, every detail, every combination effects the crazy ballance, and creats its own voice. I love ear piercings times 100, times infinity, and times it by itself. The other piercings, tongue web, sternum, soon to be septum, I cant explain those, the best I can say is they're for enlightenment. Ive begun to see life in some strange way. I used to want everything, all those pretty lipsticks, shoes, 25 cent bubblegum, little cute useless toys that they sell at the store to get people like me to waste their money on, keychains that said some catchy phraise, ... all the stupidest junk that you can imagine, Im the stupid girl who wanted them. I dont anymore. Im still amused by their gimicks and colours and everything that made me want them to begin with, but now i just kinda give a mental shrug and dont even bother. I save up my money for piercings. If I lived in a house with my mom right now and someone broke in and robbed us of everything, we'd have nothing, none of that junk, none of that shit, NONE, but Id still have my piercings. I dont know, its easier for me to get holes in my body with tasteful jewlery everytime something happens to me, or some emotion is trapped inside and i need to understand it. To me that concept just clicks. When I found out that Adam got 'all those piercings' (note that I do not know if he really did or not), I was so upset, I felt like he had just stolen all my reasoning and memory and great expierience to do with piercings and made a joke out of them. I just knew I had to get something else, not to get something else to be like HA I got something else too!, but to get out that feeling that terrible stolen feeling. A comfort piercing if you will. I'd totally and completly decided on getting my tongue done, but I know that i talk way too much with my mouth open way too wide and that my mom will see it no matter what I try. I best drink my pineapple juice so my mom doesnt act weird about it, and just wait until I do get it done. Besides that, I'm sure my mom would make me feel guilty about my piercing, and I would. The whole reason of getting it was to comfort me, like a new toy for a little kid, and it just wouldnt be good if all that happened. So... Ive decided on the perfect comfort piercing for myself- my septum. It's easy to heal and its easy to hide. You can get it pierced with a retainer, which is a staple shaped piece of jewlery that you're able to let hang down or you can flip upwards so its unnoticeable. I personally HATE the way septum piercings look but I really want the piercing because its a place where I feel lots of emotions gathering. I dont know how to explain that, I feel my anger in my hands and in my calves and in my ears, and well I cant explain that I guess... But I want to get it solely for the piercing expierience and not for the way it looks so either way Im getting it with the retainer and am flipping it up. My mom wont notice, my work wont notice, no one will know but me. It will be the piercing to show off that I will hide. And it will comfort me. i wont play with it and i wont be able to look at it so it'll be my secret :D
But Im going to go now, Ive been typing for an hour straight. Lol

I hate adam, hes a little faggot.
(sorry its the embarrassed guilt seeping in)
"DOnt appoligise! youre hurt hes a jerk, say what you have to"
Oy Vey

Later Days
Mags		  
     Post
 
The Great Fall Of Megan   
03:34pm 06/03/2006
 
mood: blank
music: Where is my mind-The Pixies
Hello,
Isnt this the way my entries always start. That same crapy greeting to those imaginary people who actually read this log of shit. I'd laugh if someone actually read this. I mean honestly, how random and pathetic could I really be... Really now, Im watching you all....
Anyway, as we all know, I met a guy, I fell for him. Its all down hill from there baby. He hasnt been my friend for little over a month. Around the last week of January he told me that he never wanted to talk to me ever again because he couldn' handle my little act of being a bitch. About a week ago he unblocked me from his msn and all that jazz, he talks to me a bit I guess... but it isnt the same as it used to be. We used to be a weird sort of friends. (Stop- real question here- How well can you get to know someone in two months??) ...Thats how long we were 'weird friends'. Anyway, its different now. Its like he's a total different person, I mean TOTAL. It freaks me out, I hate it, I miss the old Adam... and then I realize that the old Adam probably didnt exist, then again this one probably doesnt either. I know that eventually he'll come around and want to be all buddy buddy, but I realized that I dont want that anymore. I know what I want, I know that its not there anymore, and I know what that means. It means goodbye.
Seeing him with his glasses that he supposedly had all along, I wasnt attracted. Knowing that he got 4 new piercings in a month, not smart, not good for your body (your ammune system wont be able to focous on just one piercing, it'll spread itself out taking a longer time to heal all the piercings), not something that I would do, and mostly I was jealous. Jealous that while I have been collecting piercings for over a year, getting them because I use them to get over things, to feel, and to in a way heal, he took a month and got pierced. He took my piercings away and I want them back, I could let it bother me but I wont, because I have my reasons for piercings, magically, I dont care about his. So I thought about everything that I knew about Adam, KNEW hard cold facts, about his lies, about his dating habbits, about me and what I want. I dont want him. I dont want to be his friend, I did want to tell him, but I dont even want that anymore.
Last night I didnt say one word about him. Not at all, and I feel better. One day I'll just stop liking him, and suddenly I'll be okay. Breathing is easier, work went by fast, I dont feel so insane anymore, I feel... cut off, as though I was hanging from a rope hundreds of feet in the air and I just hung there day in and day out, and finally it just gave way and Im just falling through the air, just falling in this refreshing gust of wind and theres nothing I can do but be free. I dont see any way that things can be okay between me and him, it'd just be fake smiles and small talk, I want to get our little matter off my chest, but that will never happen. maybe if Im lucky it'll be like Kevin, one day Ill see him and just tell him everything, all these emotions will just come out everything I ever felt for him Ill say... and then, it'll be gone. He was my great desire, and I, the great disaster. It is over, it has ended.

I have fallen.		  
     Post
 
My Big Fat Tongue   
09:10pm 01/03/2006
 
mood: excited and kinky
music: Carmen
Hey there
Ive been thinking about my tongue a lot lately. Sounds weird I know, but I've come to the conclusion that I am definatly getting my tongue done for my birthday. It's going to be hard I bet because I have a thick tongue. I mean really thick, if I puff it up it gets so thick that I dont even have a tip to my tongue... if I showed you, you'd understand. I also play with it a lot. I dont mean sexual stuff... tho if I was remotely sexually active, Id definatly mean it that way. What I do mean tho, is that I sit in the car and twist my tongue around in my mouth, I stand around at work and do it, and when Im thinking I do it. After expieriencing my first kiss this summer I realized that I could twist my tongue sideways so that its like this in my mouth: cheek-->(|)<--cheek (with my tongue straight sideways in the middle). I love doing that its so fun it also feels a lot cooler than just curling it up. So, since the tongue is a muscle, I figure playing with it so much must be strengthening it and that should be oh so much fun when i get it pierced. But i also have a problem with having a rather large tongue web, making my big thick tongue short when i stick it out, combined with the few veins i have in my tongue it seems pretty tricky. So I took out my industrial today and was playing around with it seeing what my tongue would look like pierced, how far back it would be and all that interesting stuff. ... Well low and behold its not going to be as far foreward as I was worried that it would and its not gonna look as shitty as I thought either. I am so excited!! I am going to get it for my birthday, with is in June, so thats enough time for me. Its gonna be great, a terrific birthday gift for myself:D I love my crazy tongue. lol, Thick enough and tallented enough to aid a great cock sucker one day. *giggles* Yeah I'll shut up now.
Toodles
I'll update ya on other stuff sooner or later.
Magz		  
     Post
 
Another Day on the Calendar   
02:08pm 01/03/2006
 
mood: sick
music: Dirty Little Secret- AAR
Hey,
I officially have a cold. Colds suck, so badly that I wasnt at work last night and Im not going again tonight. I feel like crap, my nose is killing me, I have a headache that makes me feel like my forehead is gonna explode, my throat is all scratchy and i can feel it when I breathe, uggh and my ears feel really shitty and i cant hear very well out of them.
I dyed my hair today because my mom went out and I was bored. It sucks, the roots are red and everything else is like still black ... bah humbug! Oh well it doesnt matter I guess its better than nothing. I want to paint my nails but they're too short and will look stupid if I paint them anyway. I could pluck my eyebrows I guess, but bassically I couldnt be bothered.
My sternum is kinda infected because of my cold so its pissing me off, I need to clean it tonight. But im gonna go now. Byes
Mags		  
     Post
 
my sternum   
05:54pm 22/02/2006
 
mood: hopeful
music: Somebody to love-Queen
Ahh, my sternum feel sooooo good. Im pretty sure its going to reject, but I guess Ill find that out on saturday now wont i. Im feeling better, im just gonna let go. Whatever. I liked him, I like him, I miss him, I want him back. I cant have him, not even as a friend. End of story, I can tell myself, I dont need Adam to tell me that. If I have time tonight Im going to get my mom to dye my hair. Yep and that is that. New piercing, New hair, New start. Thats for comin out. Im gonna go for a while now and well Im gonna stay off this thing for a few days, maybe a few weeks, I'll update you on how things go.
Goodbye for now.
Later Days
Mags		  
     Post
 
Coming to Realizations   
01:36pm 22/02/2006
 
mood: frusterated n confused n sad
music: Disco Inferno
Hello,
I have nothing really to write about and thats a half ass lie.
In my heartsent my confession my condolence, youre indefinate, inconsiderat, you're so childish, I will push you out of what is real, out of my head, you can stick and drown at residence of dissappointments are of yours to come, so embrace them oh my shallow one today. If I could change anything I would change everything. These bitter days shall remain. I don't ask for your forgiveness I don't care much for your actress. That's just you though shallow and selfish. So I go now oh my hollow one today. If I could change anything then I would change everything. These bitter days shall remain. So carry your blues behind your eyes, Don't flatter yourself I will survive. So carry your blues your own denial. Your feathers are gone you'll never fly. If I could change anything, Then I would wipe the years away. If I could change anything, Then I would wipe the years away. If I could change anything, Then I would change everything. These bitter days shall remain. Since you're gone I'm much better than you. So carry your blues behind your eyes, Don't flatter yourself I will survive. So carry your blues your own denial. Your feathers are gone you'll never fly.

Thats my song, Bitter, by Nine Days. I like it and its me, I think it fits the situation.
I cried at work last night.
I cried myself to sleep this morning.
He has won, but I will triumph. Itd be so much easier to just be friends, but hes right Im utterly hung up on him and he couldnt care less. Maybe one day I wont be so... stupid.

My mom went out, I want my hair coloured. God damn me. Why cant life be a little bit easier. Hmmmm?? Well, when you figure it out lemme know.

*Heaves sigh* Okay Im done
Mags		  
     Post
 
The Inhumanity   
05:27pm 21/02/2006
 
mood: tired of this bullshit
music: SOme random nickleback song
Hello again. I really want to write something, but I cant because I dont want to at the moment. Life is stressful. I wish I could make everything be wonderful again. Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me.
Mags		  
     Post
 
Anger Management   
03:48pm 20/02/2006
 
mood: cold
music: Blue-The Birthday Masacre
Uggh. I stayed out after work until like 10:30am. It was fun. I hung out with Jeff. He sure has a lot of stories to tell. I like that, its kinda cool. It was fun talking to him about how everything is totally and utterly fucked up. whatever, its nice to talk to someone who listens, and its kinda weird because he did. But it was nice. I feel better about my little Adam thing. I thought back to everything, all the times he got mad and ended out friendship, I havent vented but i feel a little better.
Im gonna go now.
toodles
mags		  
     Post
 
You say goodbye and I say hello   
08:45pm 19/02/2006
 
mood: cold
music: Terminatlor 3 (sounds from the movie)
Well its my first time cleaning my sternum with the soft soap. ...It really works like a charm. It feels a hell of a lot better now and it hasnt drained any gucky stuff. It isnt even half as red as it was before. Oh man Im gonna do that like everyday now. If it helps as much as it feels like it does then hell maybe it'll look a sight better by the time that Saturday rolls around for my appointment with BJ. I have to remind Kristina to rememeber about it. Im really excited. I wish there was something else that I could get but right now Im just waiting on my ear project.

My feet are cold. I should really put some socks on. I have to go to work in like half an hour. Uggh working at 10p, sucks ass. Lol, at least I work window and I can wear my hair in pigtails. Im so looking forward to that. Lol, yeah when I finally get into the grove of dating Im gonna be a grade A cocksucker. Lol, sorry, its totally amazing and Im very impatient. Stupid guys. Oh well, as long as no one says anything tonight while Im at window. I really dont want that. Not in the least. Anyway lol, tra la, I get off at 6am, that means leaving before morning rush and no taking the bus and and and and I leave before everyone else. Yay for megan.

Im trying to make a deal with my mom. I want to lose 80lbs before my birthday and buy myself a tattoo of angel wings in return. I also want to go to the states and buy a bunch of clothes at HotTopic. And No, I am NOT a poser >_< I like what I like and clearly Im into piercings and the whatnot, may as well go for the whole weight loss image and buy some clothes that I LIKE so meh. I figure its a good idea and a healthy one. Besides, maybe if Im lucky I can find a guy in the whole process. Uggh only 15 mins left. I better go get ready.

Hug you kiss you love you miss you!
I think my gramma used to say that, or maybe I just made it up in my mind but i remember thinking it ever since i was little.

Mags		  
     Post
 
   
04:29pm 19/02/2006
 
You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.
You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.
You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.
Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!



You Are a Margarita

You aren't just the life of the party, you are the party!
You mix a good drink, bust out some great music, and know how to get down.



Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.

You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!

You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.


You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!


The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.

Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho


Your Love Element Is Water

In love, you connect deeply and commit totally.
For you, love is all about taking risks and moving into unknown territory.

You attract others with courage and confidence.
Your flirting style is defined by your flexibility and ability to adapt.

Nurturing and shared learning are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while you may jump in to love too quickly, you always come out the wiser for it.

You connect best with: Metal

Avoid: Earth

You And another Water element: will pull each other down into a dark place


Your Makeup Look Is

Pale Lips with Big Eyes
A little classic, a little retro - you look fantastic in this high fashion look.


You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch
Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.
From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.
And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.
  
     Post
 
   
12:18pm 19/02/2006
 
Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.


Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

OMG HOW DID THEY KNOW, THAT SONG TOTALLY SUMS UP MY 2005 >_<

You Are a Chick Rocker!

You're living proof that chicks can rock
You're inspired by Joan Jett and the Donnas
And when you rock, you rock hard
(Plus, you get all the cute guy groupies you want!)


Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love.
And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone.

Your flirting style: Hyper

Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for!

Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded

What you bring to relationships: Energy


What Your Underwear Says About You

You tend to buy new underwear instead of doing laundry.

You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.


You Are a Classic Martini

You area sophisticated drinker, who knows that simple quality is over-rated.
You're a knowledgeable drunk, but sometimes you're a know-it-all when you're blasted.

You should never: Drink and gossip. You tend to forget who's standing right behind you!

Your ideal party: Has a real bartender. But no one mixes a better drink than you.

Your drinking soulmates: those with a Chocolate Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: those with a Margarita Martini personality


Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.

In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

AWWW FOR THE MOST PART THAT REALLY IS ME:(

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.
You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

TOTALLY ME!!!

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart


Your Birth Month is June

Peaceful and harmonious, you seek the gentle side of life.
Your warmth and consideration touches many.

Your soul reflects: Friendship, love, and beauty

Your gemstone: Pearl

Your flower: Rose

Your colors: Light blue, white, and cream


What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem energetic - almost manic.

In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.


Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control.
You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.


Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.


You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

YEP TOTALLY MY TAKE ON IT

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!


Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day.
Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable.
And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success.
You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible.

You are most compatible with: B and AB

Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and


You Are 54% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.
You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it?
Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships.
Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself!


Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

HA HA HA HA HA HA THATS ME TOO!!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

OMG YES

Your Mood Ring is Yellow

Imaginative
Wondering
Thoughts
Peaceful


You are


You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!


You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!


Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.


You Were a Coyote

Brutally honest, you encourage people to show their true selves.
You laugh at life - none of it can be taken too seriously.


Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 60%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world, but it's not great.
And don't worry, you're not the problem - your company is.
Start looking around for another job, even if you're not totally fed up.
Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!


Your Dating Purity Score: 96%

You are an innocent dater.
You're either lacking in dating experience or have had a long serious relationship.
Either way, there's still plenty of fish in the sea out there for you to sample!


You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.
Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.
You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.
You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.


Your Kissing Purity Score: 69% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing

Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

HEE HEE THATS TOTALLY ME



You Are 21 Years Old



Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.



13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.



20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.



30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!



40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.



Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.


Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is low.
You've probably either had only one relationship..
Or all of your relationships have been very similar.
You still have a lot to learn... and a lot to try!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.
  
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Sunday Morning   
10:28am 19/02/2006
 
mood: sad
music: I am a man of constant sorrow
Hello, its Sunday morning.
I hate sunday mornings because they mean that Sunday nights are work. Uggh and I work from 10pm to 6am. Fucking shoot me in the foot. Oooo that reminds me of last night. We drove down Marian right, cuz u know, its a street and its by Timmies and yeah. So anyway, its like 20 after 6pm and Domo is closed! Like OMG closed!!! at like 6:30pm, what the hell is that?! Like holy shit, and guess who was working? Adam!! I cant believe he turned off the DOMO light thingy from like 6:30 til 10... like holy shit. Then we went to Subway because mom needed to eat cuz of her Diabetes and the girl there was just fucking stupid!! Then oh this is rich, we start going back to timmies because she wants a tea with her sub but then says oh man i shoulda gotten a diet pepsi at mohawk so we turn around. I thought we were gonna turn around at Domo and I was like UMMM NO, but we turned around in the parking lot accross from it, and omg when we were pulling out Adam gets up turns around looks at our car for a few seconds and then sits back down, it was so weird, SOOOOO weird. I saw him. Not exactly in a way ppl long to see others, but I saw him. I almost died I was like OMG OMG OMG FUCKING KILL ME, FUCKING SHOOT ME IN THE FACE!! yeah i was so angry. I think its partially because hes so close, hes right there at domo and I cant say anything to him. I want to, I wanna say something tho im not sure what (I try not to think about it) and I cant. It makes me so angry, I just get SO angry, its pathetic and I wish so badly that I could say somethng to him because I know that i have something to say, but i dont know what it is. Uggh, Im utterly and hopelessly hung up on him.

I made myself a cup of coffee just now. I had a piece of pizza and a vanilla yogurt for breakfast. My mom gave me a lecture on losing weight and how if I gain any weight Im out of the house. Huh Huh, Okay there mom. Anyway, Ive been writing a crapy ass story about a girl and her angel. I dunno, its pretty cool I guess.
But im gonna go now

toodles
mags		  
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